Friday, March 29, 2013

fragile me, handle with care

how can it be true that women have the ability to be the most mean creatures to sisters in womanhood than any other species? i hate to believe that this is true, but i'm afraid it is, and my recent encounters with women  specifically fellow mothers have supported this theory more than i had hoped...

this made me wonder what it really means to be mean, and the answer has two sides, the side of the receiver and the side of the mean-er. i can speak from both sides of this spectrum even when it's nice to be nice and i should be proud that people see me as a "nice" person, a guy once said to me: "you're too good to be true" because a group was talking about how kind i am and how i jump to help others when in need, but being nice means getting hurt and it's tiring to keep getting hurt over and over again when others are mean to me, and i wonder if it's better to be the doer in this case? so i try to be mean and i fail because this is not who i am

the real definition of being mean is not as important, for me, as the reasons behind people acting in a mean way or saying mean things or simply being mean when you meet them or talk to them. for example, a couple of days ago i talked to a mother of two children, she's the one who called (called me so she can be mean, i doubt it) i couldn't answer so i called her back, i'm the one who was paying so she can tell me what she wanted to tell me, we talked, did i talk more? did i bore her? i don't know, but i ran out of credit in my mobile phone so i sent a message to my mobile company to borrow a few minutes (a cute service they have available) and tried to call her again to say a proper good bye, her phone was off... am i being too sensitive here? or is she really so sick of talking to me that she was afraid i'll be ready to pay even more money to call her again and waste her time so she turned her phone off? it felt as bad as if she hung up on me! a few days later she expressed something that i identified with and i suggested a beautiful article for her to read, her response was: "sorry, i don't have time" again, it might be the over sensitive me who was offended and felt she's being mean to me, but i saw this scenario as simple as this: i reach out with something in my hand that i know for sure will help her but she rejects it.

how can she say that to a fellow warrior in this mamahood battlefield when she knows that i have no family or friend around to rely on for support and she's the one who has all the support in the world from her big family and a circle of friends, the only mother i've known with such a strong and functional support system. it's true we both have two kids, but when SHE tells ME that she doesn't have time, what am i supposed to say? how is this phrase supposed to make me feel? .. isn't she supposed to be the most understanding person of my struggles as a mother of two with no support what so ever? or am i expecting too much of her? maybe i am, she's never been in my shoes, she can't imagine how hard life can be day after day as hours stretch ahead of me when i'm all alone with my children, with the stress of limited resources, a busy husband, tiny apartment, sleep deprivation, and a tight budget... so if a mother's life is relatively comfortable compared to mine does that mean we have to suffer as much as others in order to feel their pain?

so yes, i was hurt, by her simple act of turning off her mobile phone and her simple words of "i have no time", i'd like to believe that she didn't intend to hurt me, she's not a mean person after all, i've known her to be kind, but this got me thinking if i myself act in a mean way to other women, specially mothers, if this hurt should take me a step further on a journey of maturity and kindness towards others, rather than suck me up into a vicious cycle of "i got hurt so i hurt others" like the famous saying "hurt people hurt people". we need to be more sensitive and kind, more gentle and understanding because being mean might reflect that we're insecure in some areas. some people go through life being mean just to get ahead, which is another sign of insecurity as they live a life of hurting others with their meanness. 

this was my facebook status on March 8th:

Glennon wrote in this post that this is how a woman often feels after talking to another woman: "She has it so much easier, better, bigger. At home, at work, in her own skin. I am alone. I am different."
And I, (my name), say: "Today is Women's day, so how about we, women, decide and try to be more gentle, more nice, and more understanding of one another because each one of us, in her unique way, experiences pain, love, tears, and LIFE... nothing is worth being harsh on another woman... Happy Women's Day dear female friends" :) 

i still believe in what i wrote on facebook earlier this month but i wonder, do i have to add to it: "leave your house armed, talk to other women with caution because you don't know when or how they will hurt you and break you down, intentionally or unintentionally, or maybe wear a T-shirt that says: "Fragile me, handle with care".  

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