Thursday, May 16, 2013

sacrificing beauty at the altar of motherhood, Angelina Jolie style

my story with Angelina Jolie started when i found great resemblance between her and one of my friends who constantly reminded me of her. years later, when i got pregnant with my son, i gained 20Kg and looked like a giant balloon, but i was able to lose all the baby fat in just a few months. when i got pregnant with our daughter, the 1st ultrasound showed two sacks so the gynecologist asked if there are any twins in our family and we said that my mother in law and her sister are twins, but he gave us a month before the second ultrasound which would show either one or two heartbeats. 

during that month we joked about the possibility of having twins which was scary too, and i remember saying to my sister: "i won't gain weight this time, i'll look like Angelina Jolie carrying twins" but the other sack didn't grow and when i looked for some explanation online i found that this is called "vanishing twin syndrome" and as i read more i was grateful that it happened during the 1st trimester in our pregnancy. 

back to the first pregnancy, the scene now is from the night of my c-section, as i lay down in bed (on my left side of course) i couldn't sleep so i tried to distract myself and talk to my husband about different things but i kept going back to my main concern that night. i was excited and eager to meet my son, finally, and see his face and the color of his eyes and count his toes. this anticipation made me both happy and anxious, but my greatest anxiety came from a hidden new fear, which felt more of a fact than a possibility or hallusination that i might, or will definitely, die in the delivery room on that operation table. i wasn't scared of dying because i told my husband: "i'll see a bright light and will be with Jesus, but you down here will find my dead body and be sad, don't, because i'm eternally happy" i won't tell you how mad my husband got because of these dark thoughts of mine, but i managed to go on, not about me this time, but about the baby: "i don't want to die because i don't want my son to grow up without his mother"

this is something many parents have in common, they start appreciating their lives and taking care of themselves when they have children. before my second c-section i had the same fear of never waking up to see my daughter, then the horrible idea hit me again: "i don't want her to lose her mama". as much as we love our children we start to love ourselves for THEIR sake. 

yesterday i read Angelina Jolie's article My Medical Choice and at first i couldn't define where i stand, in terms of "with" or "against" what she did, but the one thing i couldn't agree more with her on is taking such a tough decision for the sake of her children. i too have a family history of tumor and cancer, so there's a big chance i might develop cancer at some point in my life, which is one of the reasons why i drink green tea and add olive oil (EVOO according to Rachael Ray) to my family's meals. i've always told my husband that we should take tests, random ones, for greater chances of what is called "early intervention" in case we do have or will have cancer.

so what Angelina did is surely beyond my imagination, i've never heard of such a thing, and have never thought of taking difficult decisions and acting in such an "irreversible" way based on a "possibility" no matter how high the numbers are. some people might argue that Jolie did this to get the attention of media and become even more famous, but i tried to put some facts in simple words:

  • she's beautiful (me too, at least in God's eyes and the eyes of a few human beholders)
  • she's a mom (me too, and all moms can definitely identify with the word "sacrifice" on some level)
  • she's rich (i'm not, but she has access to excellent medical care and can also afford the "rebuilding" process, for more details on this read the Pink Lotus Hospital article)
so she's a famous rich beautiful mother who decided to spend her money indirectly on her children as she invested not in botox but in a double mastectomy without actually HAVING to do so... i guess this sentence answers my question, yes i'm WITH what she did, because given the choice, i would do the same, maybe not literally, but i would DEFINITELY sacrifice my beauty (and ANYthing else) at the altar of motherhood, spending money (no matter how little i have) to rule out the possibility of my children losing their mother to breast cancer or any other cause of death, simply because i love my two angles more than i can comprehend, and because they deserve to have their mother... during fun days like this one... or other days (no pictures included)

my cousin whose mom is a cancer survivor, said when i e-mailed her the article: "one is lucky these days if she dies of cancer instead of getting killed" in reference to the current war in Syria. As for my friend who reminds me of Angelina Jolie, she lost her mother to breast and pancreatic cancer, now this amazing woman of God is enjoying the bright light and being with Jesus, she's eternally happy...

photo credit: Magui Samir our dear photographer 


  1. I can`t utter a word to describe accurately what I feel since I begin to read the first words in your article and till the last ones. It`s touching and you are very sincere and sensitive, You are pretty and have your own style that may surpass-in my humble opinion- Angelina Style, I simply enjoyed opening my eyes today on reading your words as if I was taking my quiet time, bless you and go on ....

    1. Sorry Moody for missing your comment, it could be a technical reason on the blog, but I'm glad I read it now, as fresh as ever. Thank you for reading through with your understanding eyes that are quick to love and slow to judge.