this saying also exists in Arabic اعرف شيء عن كل شيء وكل شيء عن شيء
it wasn't until recently that i realized how impossible this is. a simple observation helped me divide people into two categories: those who know something about everything and others who know everything about something (just ONEthing). i haven't yet met anyone who fits in both categories...
as for me, i've always been the KSAE type of person (know something about everything) and i took pride in that specially when people praised that in me, my right brain and left brain are both equally active (almost) with a tight bond and friendship between them.
at school i was good in math AND literature, in collage i had good grades AND participated in many extra curricular activities, in marriage i have a degree AND i'm a good housewife (i'm a good cook bye the way), in motherhood i'm a mom of two AND i'm thin (people say it's impossible to lose baby fat but i always offer someone on a diet to take my two kids for one week and enjoy the weight loss as a byproduct), in social life i get along with adults AND children, in terms of extrovert-introvert battle i'm a book warm AND a sociable person, i am serious AND funny, i'm a perfectionist AND i enjoy chaos with craziness, i'm old fashioned AND creative, just to name a few examples of the two extremes i tend to master with all the in-between marks along the spectrum...
the other day i was thinking about my life and the multi tasks, multi talents, multi hobbies, and multi dreams i have, even multi college majors that i've tried during my 9 years at university... it's mainly where i got the name of this blog from, real life, real me = multi me... but a light bulb appeared in my head and instead of casting away darkness (as light is supposed to do, right?) it kind of turned everything BLACK... blank black in fact... because i discovered that maybe, just maybe, i've been doing this all throughout my life, this multi living style out of fear... i was afraid of failure, i was scared of putting all my eggs in one basket, of focusing my time and energy on one field of studies or one job or one major aspect then failing... this would've meant that i'm a failure because i have no other points of strength to rely on and so my self esteem will starve to death...
before i met my husband, i was convinced that there's a big chance i won't get married, and i was ok with that, even though it meant a constant struggle in our society because marriage is the ultimate goal for females in the MENA region, but i made peace with the idea that "either a successful marriage or staying single" i had no room for a possible failed marriage at ALL. so days and years went by and i tried to educate myself and take care of how i look, to nurture my social relationships, to strengthen my family ties, to stay up to date and keep up with latest events, news, activities, and technology.... isn't that what a "round personality" is about? so my self esteem seemed to have a "colorful salad" as a daily main dish...
then i met my husband, we fell in love, we got married, three years later we had our son then our daughter... during these 7 years of marriage i realized that when i, for one reason or another, intentionally or accidentally, failed in one area of my life, i automatically relied on another area to re-gain balance... even with the most ridiculous things like when my hair didn't look so good i would say to myself "but i'm married"! could you recognize the connection? i'll give you another example: when i stopped practicing my flute i told myself "but i'm a mother"! got what i mean? even if there was no direct, or even indirect link between the two issues, the two points (which i've classified as one being weak and one being strong) i would MAKE one, create a link and force a connection, just like holding one piece of puzzle in my right hand, a piece that says "weak point" and drawing just any random piece from the box of "strong points" and make two fit for an even result!!!
this gets serious when one has to find a job, if i'm not strong enough in any area of specialty then what am i going to do in my life? what would be my successful career? even though in any job you need a "round personality" in order so succeed but you need this ONE major strength in order to DO your job... having one major strength means that your self esteem will have a daily main dish of steak or burger
as i drove my four-year-old son to the nursery this morning, he started naming the things he wants to become when he grows up: "i wan to become a mechanic to fix our car and all cars, i want to become an artist like "VanDog" (a cartoon character who paints and my son is good at drawing, a talent passed down to him from family members), i want to be a musician (he has the genes for that too), and i want to be a cook (he's in love with the animation movie "Ratatouille")"
as i listened to him i couldn't resist but say to myself: "had you asked me son, a few weeks ago about this dream of yours, i would've given you a standing ovation for wanting to be a KSAE person.... but i'm afraid all i have to say now is a hesitant "bravo" because i honestly hope to God that you'll be more of a KEAS person, to excel and stand out in one thing, love it with all your heart and mind, and make a living from it too... if you can put bread on the table by doing what you love to do then i'll be really happy that you did what i'm, unable to do, yet"
it's the number one parenting mistake to fulfill one's unfulfilled dreams through one's offspring, but i'm allowed to have preferences coming from a life experience. at the same time i realize that if one day a tragedy was to happen, just like the story in this amazing video then i trust that God can do what we're unable to do and he'll see you through it, son. "God will make a way when there seems to be no way" so why live in constant fear, trying to create alternative choices and make plans B, C down to Z when you can (or maybe you should) focus on one thing, be exceptionally good at it, and enjoy a high and balanced self esteem nurtured from it...
i once read this: "friends are like taxis, you can't find one on a rainy day" and i've had many rainy days recently and the points of strength which i thought were my "friends in need" turned out to to be like taxis... and i was left alone, in the rain, wondering what can i do with my life...
No comments:
Post a Comment