my morning didn't actually start on a happy note as i had anticipated and hoped for. it's easy to blame my kids or my hormones or the war in Syria or anything else for the anger outburst i've had at 10 am. instead, i decided to take full responsibility for this unpleasant reaction of mine, for the words i said to my son, for the volume of my voice, for the look on my face when i talked to my daughter.... from A to Z it was my responsibility to have or not have such a response for what my kids did, regardless of what it was that they did, i'm the adult and i have to be fully in charge of my reactions.
as i walked away, i stepped into another room to reduce my anger, i had an epiphany. i needed help, i needed a word of advise or inspiration, particularly from another woman, a woman who can understand what i'm going through and can identify with the struggles i face every single hour of every single day, i didn't need anybody to point out my mistakes or the downs of my parenting style, i'm pretty good at that, quite an expert at beating myself up for doing it wrong, messing up for the zillionth time.... instead i needed somebody who is a bit "older and wiser" but "kinder" at the same time to assure me that it happens, and i just should't dwell on my mistakes, that i should forgive myself and practice doing things differently the next time. my epiphany made me realized for the first time how important sharing can be, the magnitude of sharing, specially when we share words (encouraging and inspiring), ideas (creative and enlightening), struggles (tough and empowering), stories (delightful and enchanting), feelings (deep and real), experiences (diverse and enriching), thoughts (nurturing and reflective), dreams (exciting and energizing).
in my post seasons on facebook i talked about sharing, but the one in my epiphany is a completely different kind of sharing. it's more like what Anna talked about in her latest post, when someone goes through a life changing experience and then shares the deepest of her feelings and thoughts with other women as a way to reach out to them and help them with their own struggles, or when someone speaks about a happy moment or a dream come true in her life so others can share her deepest joys
when i realized the magnitude of sharing i fell in love, once again, with my blog, with this space which has helped me reflect on my life and put things into perspective as well as talk about my joys, hopes, and dreams, all in the frame of "sharing". i do go through phases of doubt and fear regarding my blog but i sort of feel obliged to keep it, keep going, keep writing, keep sharing because i strongly believe that it might help somebody, a woman out there who needs my real and honest words and my sharing. just like i'm always touched by what Glennon shares on her blog i hope that my words would offer a hand, stretched out, to help somebody else. i feel that sharing for me can be at times some sort of payback, an expression of appreciation to what God has done and is doing in my life.
a few days ago, i received an extra dose of encouragement through Brene Brown's words on vulnerability and sharing (specially with a larger audience through blogs, books and public speaking) in her book "Daring Greatly" when she wrote: "We're all grateful for people who write and speak in ways that help us remember that we're not alone."
i'm not alone and neither you are.... let the sharing continue...