Monday, March 11, 2013

kairos moments in a chronos world

as for what the words Kairos and Chronos mean, i'll leave that for you to google and find out... but what was on my heart and mind to write today was about our world and the way we live in it...

the geographical location of your country, the place you were born at, decides a pretty huge chunk of who you are. even if you travel "abroad" later on in your life, study elsewhere, get married (a cross-cultural marriage) or you emigrate... you'll keep carrying your country inside of you, and notice things surfacing throu your words and actions every now and then with the colors, smells, sounds, images and tastes of your motherland. of course if you grew up and still live in the same country where you were born, then the effect is maximized. the reason i say this is because i'm more aware these days of the effect of politics in the MENA region on me, thus on the way i'm raising my children up and interacting with them on a daily basis.

wars in the past, occupation armies that spent decades on our land, and now the Arab Spring with the "revolutions" that have more bloodshed and chaos than any classic war or civil war... all affect our lives as we hear the same disturbing news day in and day out, with no signs of hope. we all know how war doesn't only affect the political life, but the social, psychological and physical being of each citizen.

there's so much anger, anxiety, and unrest in me that stems from the outside atmosphere. when we have days no electricity for hours, when streets are not safe for me to take my son to the nursery or go out on weekends, when Christians are persecuted because they've become a minority, how can i have a normal day with my kids moving from one fun activity to the other? i tried detaching myself from news for a while, but it kept appearing in my face on facebook and news headlines, so i tried to block even that but i felt guilty for not knowing the update and latest events so i follow the news again and the cycle starts all over again: my daily routine started to take a shape of a vicious cycle: struggle, survive, make the best out of it, protect the children, which brings us back to the struggle... the outside war echoed inside with a mini war at home as i started fighting with myself, my depression and my guilt feeling that i should do better, be a better mom, i majored in Elementary Education so i should know better.... constantly beating myself up for not living up to my own expectations of my part in mamahood.

i never intended to discuss or even mention politics on this blog, but it's so much intertwined in my life that i couldn't resist but wonder if i'm doing the right thing given the current situation, or should i and can i do better? we live in a Chronos world, time goes by quickly but what my kids need and what i too need is as many Kronos moments as possible in the middle of this chaos and turmoil to be able to handle my toddler's tantrums and answer my pre-schooler's questions... i need to shush my mind up every once in a while, get focused, relax, re-charge my energy... and have fun... these things might come as a byproduct of "normal life" for people who have one, but for me, i've realized that these things will come with hard work, awareness, and constant decision making... instead of waiting for kairos moments to pop up easily during my days is an illusion, i have to WORK hard to CREATE these moments and to RECOGNIZE one when i see it and to ENJOY it to the MAXIMUM 

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